Reality check: Success isn't all that its cracked up to be
My team made that deadline and for that I am thankful. No late nights, just a lot to be considered. My headspace over the past 2 weeks feels like there is so much in there, that it is impossible to take in any more.
I am in strategy phase. What's next? Where to from here? Who is doing what? What does the next 5 years look like? What does the next 10 years look like?
Then of course, what about me? What is going to make my life more fulfilling in the next 5 years? Next 10 years?
It was enough to make me burst into tears.
I can't pretend to be someone I am not. I don't have the energy.
Business is hard work. You cannot just turn it on and off as you like. It is there every single day with you from the time you wake up to the time you go to sleep. Sometimes, it even wakes you up.
The the past couple of weeks have been momentus for Marketing Eye. Here we are growing rapidly every single day. Our team is getting bigger and more experienced. Our clients are the foundation that we build upon and each of them has their own unique entrepreneurial story that we want to share with the rest of the world. They are clever, focused, driven and determined to make it to the next level. That's why they hire us. Not to stand still, but to keep growing. Without them, we are nothing. That's why I always go over and above to ensure that they receive the best possible service. When there is a problem I am the first to say "what can we do to make this better?" It's a two-way street. A partnership. And mostly it works.
To read our balance sheet is a joyous occasion and a terrifying one - all at the same time. It's joyous because we are growing and our business is sustainable. Every major milestone that we achieve is a team effort and deserves recognition.
It's terrifying because as you grow, so do your responsibilities to the people around you, to your clients and ultimately to yourself. Is this really what you want? Is growing all that it's cracked up to be? Is it all really worth it?
I am not motivated by money. I genuinely love my job and love the people I work with. I wouldn't care if I didn't make a cent and just broke even - as long as I could continue to provide jobs and pay the bills.
But I have a greater plan. A business plan. One that I would like to see finished. I want to be able to say that I started a business plan and finished it. That nothing stood in the way.
That's in process and its something that takes work every single day. Sometimes I get it right and jump up and down with happiness. Some days, I get it wrong.
There's a price for doing well. It's not monetary. It's personal. I think that it is very hard to have it all - at the one time and from my experience, that has never happened to me. When my work life is going well, my personal life is not. When my personal life is going well, there is hiccups in my work life. It doesn't ever seem to be completely smooth sailing.
I wish I had the answers. I don't. That is no doubt why today as I drove to work I was in a flood of tears. On the outset, everything is going perfectly well. Business is great. My team is awesome. There's a bright future for every aspect of the business.
My personal life is adventurous and I am surrounded by an amazing family and equally fantastic friends. I travel the world. I buy what I like when I like. But that's not enough. It never is. My life is incomplete. I want more. I thought for a moment a couple of years ago I was on the brink of it, but that was not to be. Now it's time to look within and work out what is a true balance and how fulfillment can come to every aspect of life. I don't have the answer but maybe you do.