Why women entrepreneurs spend far too much time criticising themselves
As a female entrepreneur, I have big goals, and my dreams are not only something I think about often, I have carefully strategised the execution of a plan to achieve each and every dream I have had for myself.
The problem is that when I don't quite make the dream a reality in the time frame that I had hoped, I get mad at myself and start dissecting what I have done incorrectly, or why this dream did not actually become the reality I had hoped for.
Running a business is hard enough without spending wasted time beating yourself up each and every time you don't quite reach the point of expectation. And I know I am not alone. My friends that happen to be female entrepreneurs do exactly what I do. They make sure they are there for their friends and when someone doesn't hit a milestone or trips over, they are the first to pick them up - all with the motivational quotes and sayings that you would expect. The problem is, they do that for their friends and often outwardly do it for themselves by declaring a failure as "no big deal", yet when they are home alone they are always the first to beat themselves up.
I have a number of deadlines and to be brutally honest, I am not achieving too many of them right now. There is always something that takes a greater priority or things that pop up when you least expect it to. All of a sudden, the very thing you wanted to finish, doesn't quite go to plan. Weeks later you realise that you have not gone any further along the road, and have hit somewhat of a stalemate in terms of ticking enough boxes on your to do list.
Signs that you are beating yourself up a little too often:
- When failure does occur, you never blame anyone but yourself
- You wallow in sadness when you fail for longer than one ought to
- You have sleepless nights thinking about something that didn't go to plan, only to find that you could solve it by thinking differently
- The failure is only in your eyes - no-one else's
- You are constantly down on yourself and your expectations of yourself are limitless
How you can change this is simple:
- Think differently
- Know you are human
- Expect failure as being part of the parcel, but always have a solution if something doesn't go to plan
- Know that you learn more from failure than you ever will from success
- Learn to smile more
- Look in the mirror and be happy with the whole person, not just one aspect - i.e. know you are a good package inside and out
- Pick your friends up, but learn to not expect the same in return. Instead, find a way that you can pick yourself up when things are tough that doesn't involve shopping or cosmetic surgery.
I live with limitless expectations, constantly moving the goal post. With so many things on my agenda, I take things far to personally and am yet to reach a place where I can look at my life and go - I am completely happy with 'my lot'.
My friends are amazing. They constantly remind me to not be hard on myself. My family I am sure find me to be foolish in this thought process, but it is who I am and the only thing I can do to improve it is to take my own advice. Now how hard is that?