"Alive, and very much so," Tolstoy's diary entry for November 19, 1889, begins - and so does mine.
I was driving along Dandenong Road yesterday in Melbourne, talking to a girlfriend of mine and I said, "if someone really knew me, and was the love of my life and was to propose, they would hand me a Tolstoy book, as the token of their love."
She laughed, "and you say you don't have lists!".
She is right, but so am I on this one. If someone really knows you, they know what you love and what is important to you. I dream of the day that someone lays in my bed and reads Tolstoy to me as I fall asleep. I may be a bit of a romantic, but Tolstoy for those who have been sleeping under a rock or have not had the fortunate opportunity to grow up knowing who he is, was a Russian author, known as one of the greatest of all time.
"Everyone thinks of changing the world, but no one thinks of changing himself." Tolstoy.
This quote means so much to me as it is a reminder that while we have every good intention in the world to create change, we must first change ourselves. We need to become more accepting of others, their differences, or what really lies behind their actions or what they say. No one is perfect, and mistakes will be made. People will act out; some out of jealousy, others out of insecurity and perhaps a few out of love. Appreciating where they come from, and what is behind them is very important to self growth and appreciating every person who has a place in our world.
I've spent a lot of time this year on change. I have looked hard at myself and tried to deal with some issues that I have had. Commitment issues namely, which I often mention with my tongue firmly placed inside my cheek. Self sabotage by being afraid, so ensuring that I never set myself up for failure - that trait has got me nowhere. A big thick wall that sits in front of me, that only one person has ever been able to knock down - unfortunately, that person used it in the wrong way and I am making sure that that doesn't scar me any more than it already has.
I want to live life more than ever before. I don't want to be afraid. I want to take risks. I want to be brave. I want more than anything to love - passionately without fear. I want to be spontaneous and kind. Love and be loved.
These are all things that most people think about, but never say. To me, that is having it all.
We are all mixed up in some way, but working on what holds us back and opening ourselves up, and putting ourselves out there to potentially be rejected is something that an only make us stronger, and help us understand ourselves better.
If you want to be happy, be. Tolstoy
Another Tolstoy quote. There is no truer statement. If you really truly want to be happy, be. Smile, love, appreciate, and be kind. Happiness is a choice. While things may cross our paths that test us, it is our choice how we take that in. What perspective we choose and our own understanding of the world and people, helps us work though outcomes.
All, everything that I understand, I understand only because I love. Tolstoy
My new years' resolution is all about love. To love every single thing that touches my life with passion and never be afraid of that passion or that ability to love.
Which brings this blog to an end. Love is everything. The world is our oyster. Travel is one of my biggest passions and I look forward to doing more of that in 2016, while at the same time being focused on experiences, bringing my dreams to reality and working with people that bring out the best in me. Actually, being with people who bring out the best in me.