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What does comfortable in your own skin look like?

What does comfortable in your own skin look like?

To be comfortable in one's own skin is the beginning of strength. That's what they say, and to be honest, I believe it.

I became comfortable in my own skin a few years ago. I stopped trying to be what other people wanted; the outgoing, fun, ambitious Mellissah. Instead, I started being me; a shy introvert who loves business and spends time with people who really matter. 

On my own terms

It wasn't until I became comfortable in my own skin that I really started living life, on my own terms. I know that people prefer the outgoing persona that I use to present, but that is damn hard work. Do you really know how hard it is to be "likeable" and someone who everyone wants to invite to a party? I never had to have "missing out syndrome" because everyone wanted to invite me to everything. Why not? I came with interesting stories, always smiled and talked to everyone. But let me tell you something about that... I was performing. I wasn't the real me.

The real me prefers to talk to just one person at a party, and get to know them intimately so that next time, I feel confidence to walk straight up and say hello. The real me is also a home body, that likes to travel to places that put me out of my comfort zone, but once there, I still don't talk to strangers and prefer my own company and a good book, to drinking at a bar in hope of meeting someone.

An eye-opener 

Being comfortable in my own skin was an eye opener. It meant to many that I wasn't so interesting, but to those who count, that they really got to know me. There stopped being this contradiction when people met my "real" friends who always say that I am quiet and shy, that "new friends" would say "no she isn't that at all".

It also ensured that people realised just how deep I am. I write every single day about my life and thoughts. I document every movement. When I read back on my diary, I am always so taken back by the person who has put pen to paper. I am more vulnerable in my writing and exposed. 

See the biggest change 

But in business I see the biggest change. I no longer need to prove anything to anybody. I don't necessarily feel "successful" but accomplished and secure. When friends talk me up when introducing me to people, or my work colleagues for that matter, I always down play it. My first response has always been and always will be that "I don't know how successful I am, but I do run an international marketing firm". That statement alone, says it all, but yet says nothing. 

I know the PR game

My ambition is not to be the biggest or most recognised. I could if I wanted to be published as many times as I would like, after all I know the PR game well and know how easy it is to achieve. Yet, I choose not to. Anywhere I can be published, my clients could be there in my place, so why would I think that I am more important than the companies I serve? I am not and should never sacrifice a client for my own self-promotion.

I am not ego driven. I just focus on a simple business plan that needs to be implemented. If and when I finish that business plan, I will look back and feel like I have accomplished something. One big tick on my checklist of what I would like to achieve out of life. 

Never enter them 

I don't need awards and not only never enter them, but never accept a nomination. Too many times I see people win that have a good sales spiel and behind the scenes are struggling to exist or are having significant challenges. Many go broke, and that kiss of death is something I never want to wish upon myself or my team.

I don't need to be liked but I always need to do the right thing. I need to always be considerate of others and mindful that my life is blessed while some others may not be.

As I watch the world around me where people self promote, look for recognition, and seek approval, I realise that this is not me at all. It's a sign that I am really comfortable in my own skin navigating through life focusing on what's important and caring about those around me. 

It's a simple way to look at life, but quite settling. I wouldn't have it any other way.

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comments ( 3 )
  • weight loss and cancer why
    weight loss and cancer why
    26 Jul 2015

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  • Lisa Yap
    Lisa Yap
    19 May 2015

    I love this post, it's definitely in congruency with what I've been feeling as I'm navigating my way through final year in Uni and doing alot of soul searching. We live in a world, even in a microscopic environment like in Uni, where our environment delineate what we should be doing to be labelled a 'success', what steps you have to take to be better, smarter, and the kinds of activities we have to join in order to add that to our CVs and set ourselves apart. But is that not just putting success in a box and defining it by its 4 walls? To some, doing something that contradicts the norms of what has been decided by society on my behalf may exclude me from success. But I couldn't respond to that in a better way than Mellissah, "I don't necessarily feel "successful" but accomplished and secure".

  • April Spadina
    April Spadina
    11 May 2015

    I always love it when you come and visit and can find the time to just sit quietly.

    In the beginning I would worry that spending time on the property wasn't stimulating enough for you, but then I realised that "quiet" is what you yearned for.