How to manage egomaniacs in your office
I don't know about you, but egomaniacs scare the 'b'jesus out of me'. I am terrified of them, but still I find myself sucked into their web of soul destroying destruction.
As much as they are charming, good at 'selling a story' and surrounded by people, they are manipulative, obsessive and bullies.
By definition (Wikipedia), egomania is an obsessive preoccupation with one's self and applies to someone who follows their own ungoverned impulses and is possessed by delusions of personal greatness and feels a lack of appreciation.
More likened to the clinical narcissistic personality disorder, there are egomaniacs in all walks of life, but its important to be aware of who they are in yours and know which way is the best way to deal with them.
In my profession as a marketing consultant, I am surrounded by egomaniacs. In life, many of my friends also have a healthy sense of ego, but the true egomaniacs are best to keep 'on side' but do try to steer away from them. Here's why:
1. If you are not on their side, they will stomp on you and make sure no-one else is either. Given that egomaniacs are also charming, be aware, they can charm the pants of someone - literally.
2. They won't accept rejection. Rejection in any form, comes with a pay-back clause.
3. They are always right and if you dare to not think they are right, they are good 'campaigners'.
4. They have to be liked, so their passive aggressive behaviour may stomp on you and belittle you to others with untruths. But don't be surprised if in no time, they come back to you with something they think you cannot refuse. Like earlier this year, I cut ties with an egomaniac, and after being a bully and horrible, a week later he sent me an email saying that he has a "billionaire to invest in my business". This is typical egomaniac behaviour. Never fall for this bait as its their way of trying to be 'liked' and feeds their passive aggressive behaviours.
5. They will do absolutely anything to get their own way and to get people on-side, if you have fallen off-side. Anything includes using whatever means they have to woo people.
It's not all doom and gloom. Egomaniacs exist in the world. I have just finished reading Simon Cowells book and he is out there and proud to be an 'egomaniac'. He's successful, so many egomaniacs believe that it is ok to be 'who they are' because that is what 'stars are made of'.
1. Most people don't like the drama associated with being around an egomaniac, so while they may not say anything, they are thinking it. To them, you are plain 'weird' and mostly they see through your passive aggressive behaviours and 'feel sorry for you'.
2. While people may let you think you have won, you have gone down in their estimation - big time. Don't be fooled. You will never be in their top handful of friends.
3. Other egomaniacs won't like you and many of the world's top business people and superstars fall into this category. Your pool just gets smaller and smaller.
4. You won't learn, because you are not open to learning. You will never be a better person, because you are not open to be a better person - you already think you are.
5. Ultimately, people don't want to be close to an egomaniac. When an egomaniac burns someone, people are smart and they see it. They may not say anything, but they know and its another strike against you.
6. People will be scared of you and they will have seen your bullying and never wrong attitude. They may appear on the surface as friends just to pacify you but your friends will be less and less as years go by.
1. Check your own ego at the door: We all have egos, but hopefully its just a healthy amount. When you come face to face with an egomaniac, know that they are not worth your time and energy. Think about how you can reduce your interaction with them. If they have a point of view, don't challenge it, excuse yourself and go to the restroom. By challenging it, they will feel the need to win and you will lose or face the fate of their behaviours.
2. Get perspective: Life is short and we will always come across people with quirky personality types. Why its important to understand elements of an egomaniac is because they may go through stages of influence on how you view the world or certain people. Egomaniacs are self-serving so their opinions quite frankly don't count. They are communicating only what they want for you to buy-into.
3. If you are on the receiving end of an egomaniacs tantrum of need for control over a situation, be assertive. Don't let bullies win.
4. Understand where they are coming from. Most egomaniacs didn't have enough love growing up, or their fathers left their mothers early on. No-one paid attention to them. They just want to be loved and appreciated and to be liked. They don't know how else to act because no-one has taught them right from wrong and that you don't need to win a fight to win. No-one has taught them compassion and kindness. They are after all, just big babies looking for approval.
5. Distance yourself. It's a great psychological trick. If they are past 40 years of age, they won't change. Keep them in small doses and when they get under your skin, just walk away... you don't need to see them for another six months.
Why is a marketing blog on egomania important? I am writing this as it is a conversation I hear a lot about. Egomaniacs live in everyone's life. We have to deal with them and the fact of the matter is that they often are in roles of authority. Knowing how to deal with them, will assist you in not being bullied by their antics, or seduced by their charm. It will make your life much happier - trust me. Talking from experience. As marketers, we do need to understand our audience.
As much as they are charming, good at 'selling a story' and surrounded by people, they are manipulative, obsessive and bullies.
By definition (Wikipedia), egomania is an obsessive preoccupation with one's self and applies to someone who follows their own ungoverned impulses and is possessed by delusions of personal greatness and feels a lack of appreciation.
More likened to the clinical narcissistic personality disorder, there are egomaniacs in all walks of life, but its important to be aware of who they are in yours and know which way is the best way to deal with them.
In my profession as a marketing consultant, I am surrounded by egomaniacs. In life, many of my friends also have a healthy sense of ego, but the true egomaniacs are best to keep 'on side' but do try to steer away from them. Here's why:
1. If you are not on their side, they will stomp on you and make sure no-one else is either. Given that egomaniacs are also charming, be aware, they can charm the pants of someone - literally.
2. They won't accept rejection. Rejection in any form, comes with a pay-back clause.
3. They are always right and if you dare to not think they are right, they are good 'campaigners'.
4. They have to be liked, so their passive aggressive behaviour may stomp on you and belittle you to others with untruths. But don't be surprised if in no time, they come back to you with something they think you cannot refuse. Like earlier this year, I cut ties with an egomaniac, and after being a bully and horrible, a week later he sent me an email saying that he has a "billionaire to invest in my business". This is typical egomaniac behaviour. Never fall for this bait as its their way of trying to be 'liked' and feeds their passive aggressive behaviours.
5. They will do absolutely anything to get their own way and to get people on-side, if you have fallen off-side. Anything includes using whatever means they have to woo people.
It's not all doom and gloom. Egomaniacs exist in the world. I have just finished reading Simon Cowells book and he is out there and proud to be an 'egomaniac'. He's successful, so many egomaniacs believe that it is ok to be 'who they are' because that is what 'stars are made of'.
Why is being an egomaniac bad for your personal brand?
1. Most people don't like the drama associated with being around an egomaniac, so while they may not say anything, they are thinking it. To them, you are plain 'weird' and mostly they see through your passive aggressive behaviours and 'feel sorry for you'.
2. While people may let you think you have won, you have gone down in their estimation - big time. Don't be fooled. You will never be in their top handful of friends.
3. Other egomaniacs won't like you and many of the world's top business people and superstars fall into this category. Your pool just gets smaller and smaller.
4. You won't learn, because you are not open to learning. You will never be a better person, because you are not open to be a better person - you already think you are.
5. Ultimately, people don't want to be close to an egomaniac. When an egomaniac burns someone, people are smart and they see it. They may not say anything, but they know and its another strike against you.
6. People will be scared of you and they will have seen your bullying and never wrong attitude. They may appear on the surface as friends just to pacify you but your friends will be less and less as years go by.
Here's how I have learned to deal with egomaniacs.
1. Check your own ego at the door: We all have egos, but hopefully its just a healthy amount. When you come face to face with an egomaniac, know that they are not worth your time and energy. Think about how you can reduce your interaction with them. If they have a point of view, don't challenge it, excuse yourself and go to the restroom. By challenging it, they will feel the need to win and you will lose or face the fate of their behaviours.
2. Get perspective: Life is short and we will always come across people with quirky personality types. Why its important to understand elements of an egomaniac is because they may go through stages of influence on how you view the world or certain people. Egomaniacs are self-serving so their opinions quite frankly don't count. They are communicating only what they want for you to buy-into.
3. If you are on the receiving end of an egomaniacs tantrum of need for control over a situation, be assertive. Don't let bullies win.
4. Understand where they are coming from. Most egomaniacs didn't have enough love growing up, or their fathers left their mothers early on. No-one paid attention to them. They just want to be loved and appreciated and to be liked. They don't know how else to act because no-one has taught them right from wrong and that you don't need to win a fight to win. No-one has taught them compassion and kindness. They are after all, just big babies looking for approval.
5. Distance yourself. It's a great psychological trick. If they are past 40 years of age, they won't change. Keep them in small doses and when they get under your skin, just walk away... you don't need to see them for another six months.
Why is a marketing blog on egomania important? I am writing this as it is a conversation I hear a lot about. Egomaniacs live in everyone's life. We have to deal with them and the fact of the matter is that they often are in roles of authority. Knowing how to deal with them, will assist you in not being bullied by their antics, or seduced by their charm. It will make your life much happier - trust me. Talking from experience. As marketers, we do need to understand our audience.
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comments ( 6 )
Jennie
02 Jul 2016Greetings! Quick question that's totally off topic.
ReplyDo you know how to make your site mobile friendly?
My blog looks weird when viewing from my iphone 4. I'm trying to find a theme or plugin that might be able
to fix this issue. If you have any recommendations, please share.
Thank you!
Rogelio
13 Sep 2012It's hard not to get overwhelmed with all of the information about franchising out there, so it's fantastic to have something like this easily available.
ReplyI've been doing franchise development for a while now and I love finding things like this that I can easily give to coworkers and individuals looking to begin franchising. Locating good franchising information is pretty challenging, so it's good to be able to share this with people that are into
franchising or are testing the waters too.
M
17 Aug 2012Hey Mellissah, great post! I can really relate to your message here :) I, myself have had the experience of dealing with an egomaniac. It started out when he agreed to be a partner for our society in university, to handle our social events. On numerous occasions, he would tell us about how his company would go on to be multinational, and how he was a force to be reckoned with. Unfortunately, not many of our co-hosted events went too well because he would fall short on his part. After we went our separate ways, he still kept in touch, unfortunately still with the same condescending manner. He'd tell me about his expansion plans, and then ask me "what do you think?". I made a few suggestions for his company, with which he responded: "you're way too analytical. is it because you're a commerce student?". Initially, I was taken aback, but I realized that he spoke highly of his work only to receive praise for his efforts, not an opinion. Or maybe he did so because he thought he could inspire me as a "mentor". After a week, he approached me and offered me a placement in his company, which I politely declined. He then went back to his old ways, talking about how far ahead of everyone he was. He was 27, and perhaps he needed some sort of self-validation as a form of motivation. I felt that he was insecure, and his overconfidence was simply a facade. So I took the high road, and sincerely congratulated him on his efforts. I felt good after. We'll always run into different types of characters in life. It's inevitable. Instead of judging them, we should seek first to understand the experiences which mould them to become these types of people. It can be tough, but at the end of the day, life is all about learning and meeting different people. It'd be pretty strange if everyone had the same personality! I'm grateful to have gone through the experience, because through him, I learn to keep my own ego in check, and focus on my own "personal brand".
ReplyDane Bartlett
17 Aug 2012Hi Mellissah, great post. I especially love your 6 points on ‘Why is being an egomaniac bad for your personal brand?’ It is an interesting conundrum when you look at the dynamic between the concept of a personal brand and someone who is an egomaniac. By definition egomaniacs should be interested in their own PERSONAL BRAND as it is a self interested concept, yet they fail to do so. Perhaps this is a reflection of their inability to self analyse and control themselves.
ReplyIt is a sad reflection that many egomaniacs are rewarded with great success as this only reinforces their belief that, ‘it is great to be who I am.’ A teacher I had used to tell me that “it’s not the action of the bad but the lack of action from the good.” Perhaps it’s possible to bring humility to these types of people through the way we behave toward them??? In the long run though I suppose it doesn’t matter because life eventually will... ironically by another egomaniac. I think egomaniacs lacked good role models and it’s a pity that especially those who entered the world of business were not informed of an amazing leader by the name of Darwin Smith, CEO of Kimberly-Clark from 1971 to 1991. This man achieved stock returns of more than 4.1 times the industry average through showing great humility to all.
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16 Aug 2012Nice blog! Is your theme custom made or did you download it
Replyfrom somewhere? A design like yours with a few simple adjustements would really make my blog
shine. Please let me know where you got your design. Thank you
Lani
15 Aug 2012Mellissah, you have a really great point here. I agree with your points on how to deal with these egomaniacs. Life is definitely too short to be caught up and upset about what others do or say, but at the same time understanding where they come from and the frustration they must be having. My friend once told me that such egomaniacs are often faced with low self-esteem and are unhappy - that they in fact, dont want to be like this. He continued to mention that these people are trying to attract attention because they need the most love and nuturing. I have met one of these, and personally, i did have to step back and distance myself whilst keeping in perspective the negative emotions they might be facing beneath the 'tough' exterior.
Reply